Wednesday, October 10

A struggle within myself before SPM

- October 10, 2018
Hye Assalamualaikum ⛄️

I have a confession to make that i havent told anyone yet . 
Its kinda late but ive been keeping this to myself for like almost 5 years 😕
Im the only child so it is indeed hard to find the right person to talk to . 

Well basically , i dont really trust adults during that time 

So here we go 👉🏻

When i was 13 , i thought i probably go to a university around here (Malaysia) and everything would be fine . Going to Jordan didnt even cross my mind . But as soon as i became a form 3 student , there is actually an option that i didnt consider before ,
It came out of nowhere . 

After that i started looking into it , comparing and considering everything . And then i suddenly started wondering why i never considered it until now . The most concerning issue would be the distance . Lets say i get accepted there ... by myself , a new place by myself to study , not to mention im the only child . 

The reason why im hesitating lies within myself . Everyone says im good at studying but even if they say im diligent , its not really true tho . From the start ive dedicated myself to study so that my parents will allow me to do what i like (anime manga etc)
But i also never thought of turning my hobbies into a career .
From the start i didnt dislike studying but i started to notice that i didnt do it because i wanted to . Because of that i started researching about many universities by myself without asking teacher for help (ada la sikit sikit sbb ye la adults kan 🤔)

If i step outside and be dependent , it might be easier to find out what i really want to do . Tho , i already decide what kind of course i want to pick . 
The more i think about it , the more my perspective expand and the more i kept worrying and hesitating . As if trying to run away from the future . 

So there you go 🤷🏻‍♂️ 
THIS WAS WHAT CONCERNED ME BEFORE 
eh wait , even now tho 

What i wrote was basically what ive been thinking seriously right before SPM . 

What about now ? 
Life must go on brothers and sisters ❤️
Alhamdulillah . All praise to Allah 💕
To be able to pursue my goals in order to be useful servant on earth .

“وما خلقت الجن والإنس إلا ليعبدون” 
And I (Allah) created not the jinns and humans except they should worship Me (Alone)

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