Im satisfied (≧∇≦)/

Assalamualaikum and hello guys ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

The results for my final exam already came out yesterday lol
and you guys wouldn't believe how the hell it came out like literally after midnight . HAHAHAHA IKR .  

Truth to be told , yesterday was like a tipping point of time . Obviously you would want to know your own results and all that stuff . But ive been doing a lot of thinking about this matter , its like this is gonna be the one to set me off on one of two different paths in front of me . Success . Stargazing . Simplicity . Despair . It would act like the broken back-bone to the skeleton of my life .

Like others , i found difficulty in concentration and application , yet i overcame it successfully . Alhamdulillah . I hope and believe that i am to wander off on the path to my success once the events of tomorrow have unfolded , leaving the troubles of the road behind me and not encountering those troubles again on the darker path . However , unlike Alice who stuck in the wonderland , i will be skipping along hand in hang with BRAIN , COURAGE , AND HEART .

Many asked me how do i score for my exams . Simple . DONT FREAK OUT 👊

I might post some tips about how to manage your uni life in future .

Adios and Assalamualaikum

Pour your heart out

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone 💂

Do you guys still remember about my previous post where i mentioned about being insecure and afraid of changes that happened in my life and this world as well ?
Ive been reading one of my friend's blog about her daily lives and one of them caught my attention .

I got attached to the post , or should i say rants , because i can totally relate to her probs cuz we were both students who just left the high school life like last year already .


I would like to share a story of my friend meeting a total stranger and blurted out her concerns to that stranger . You know , i think she felt a great sense of relief after being asked by the uncle to bare her soul about her innermost worries and anxieties .

If you guys are interested , you guys can click here for the first part and here for the second part .

Truth to be told, it is easier to talk to someone who didnt actually know you irl . Stuff happened and they wont judge you for who you are . I'd like to point out the importance of let it all out . Being able to trust someone is not that easy . And as a muslim , i know that we should always rely on Allah the Almighty . But in various situations , you could say that Allah already planned for you to meet/know someone and that someone might have the answer you're looking for .

You seek for forgiveness and asked Allah how to give you a peaceful life , plead to Allah day and night to stop all the sufferings you had in your life .

Do you know how does Allah answers our doa (s) ?

It is possible that Allah gave you the asnwers for all your worries through His creation ; human .
Probably our family , our friends , our acquaintances , strangers or even animals etc

My point is , from a stranger point of view , they wouldnt know how we are really like irl . We have our own circumstances but strangers can be a good listener 😌

This is just my personal opinions , no hard feelings tho .

Bak kata pepatah melayu ; buang yang keruh , ambil yang jernih
(this is in malay)

In English , i can say ; take the meat and leave the bones

Yeah something like that .
Thats all for today 💜
Assalamualaikum and good night teehee

I have a request .

Assalamualaikum everyone and hello guys 🙋

I always wanna quit .
It never ends

Especially when you're in that age .
Rather than that , there's something that's been bugging me .
Lately , well not really , but i felt like time was passing too quickly and with the future ahead me and such ...
Have you ever felt that ?
Even though they say that i am already an adult . I felt happy but at the same time nothing .
It just i didnt feel anything about being an adult or i dont think i deserved to be called an adult because i know that deep in my heart im still a child . Im not matured enough . I often being told that age doesnt define maturity and i agree .

It could be that the weird feelings I sometimes felt with my friends was because of this after all .
I can assure you guys i am normal , it just i thought i can handle this with ease but it turns out its possible that i felt stressed .

Hahahaha to be honest , im bothered about something . Career plans

I still think im a kid . And i dont even think about this career plans seriously . Pernah la once in a while , after garduated from high school and stuff . Thats all . Nothing more .
I also having a hard time dealing with this stuff okay 😩😩😩

They say i can adapt well when things around me changes . No la , i hate changes .
Despite that , Ive been trying to imitate adults while growing up .


Hahahaha well i guess i can try harder .
I ran away from everything too often tho
I know i dug my own grave

THERE'S A LIMIT TO ALL THE STRESS I CAN HANDLE BY MYSELF

I know i should talk it out , but i cant . My feelings , the things buried deep in my heart , I dont know which words i should use to convey them . Thats why i took the easiest route . Its good if i dont have to use my head . Its good if i dont have to think at all . Even tho everything is fine , even tho i thought things would stay like this forever , I wonder when did i start getting angry and frustrated with myself for not being able to do anything ?

Eventually

I would probably be the one left behind .

I have a request .

Everyone , please dont leave me behind .

A midnight poem

Im not much of a poet .

But this is a poem i felt like writing on a whim 💩

Ego
Even if an unstable ego
Like a translucent shadow
Which is uncertain for me
To call it me

Is living

Even if an unstable ego
Which makes it uncertain for you
To be yourself , hates you

If i write
Would the darkness cleared ?
Its a life placed in God’s hands
From a root-rotten dreams

Dragging my legs
With a tired face
Frowning at the reflection
Of my own race

Should i go ?
Shoud i return ?
I do wonder
But after sometime
I started walking
Showing my back to where i was

Yes i have to go
Even if there’s nothing ahead
I live on

A struggle within myself before SPM

Hye Assalamualaikum ⛄️

I have a confession to make that i havent told anyone yet . 

Its kinda late but ive been keeping this to myself for like almost 5 years 😕

Im the only child so it is indeed hard to find the right person to talk to . 

Well basically , i dont really trust adults during that time 

So here we go 👉🏻

When i was 13 , i thought i probably go to a university around here (Malaysia) and everything would be fine . Going to Jordan didnt even cross my mind . But as soon as i became a form 3 student , there is actually an option that i didnt consider before ,

It came out of nowhere . 

After that i started looking into it , comparing and considering everything . And then i suddenly started wondering why i never considered it until now . The most concerning issue would be the distance . Lets say i get accepted there ... by myself , a new place by myself to study , not to mention im the only child . 

The reason why im hesitating lies within myself . Everyone says im good at studying but even if they say im diligent , its not really true tho . From the start ive dedicated myself to study so that my parents will allow me to do what i like (anime manga etc)

But i also never thought of turning my hobbies into a career .

From the start i didnt dislike studying but i started to notice that i didnt do it because i wanted to . Because of that i started researching about many universities by myself without asking teacher for help (ada la sikit sikit sbb ye la adults kan 🤔)

If i step outside and be dependent , it might be easier to find out what i really want to do . Tho , i already decide what kind of course i want to pick . 

The more i think about it , the more my perspective expand and the more i kept worrying and hesitating . As if trying to run away from the future . 

So there you go 🤷🏻‍♂️ 

THIS WAS WHAT CONCERNED ME BEFORE 

eh wait , even now tho 

What i wrote was basically what ive been thinking seriously right before SPM . 

What about now ? 

Life must go on brothers and sisters ❤️

Alhamdulillah . All praise to Allah 💕

To be able to pursue my goals in order to be useful servant on earth .

“وما خلقت الجن والإنس إلا ليعبدون” 

And I (Allah) created not the jinns and humans except they should worship Me (Alone)

Its just your usual routine ⟺

Hye Assalamualaikum

This time , i wont be updating what happened during my days every single time . Nope . Not like my previous blog lmao . But i will randomly share with you guys what i wanna share , when i feel like it .

But to tell you the truth , I've already left the school . Yeah . Say no more to primary and secondary school 👋👋👋 

Imma just your typical college girl .

There you have it . I wont be having leisure time to update to you guys freely huhuhu im so sad . 

EH LOL WHO WOULD EVEN READ MY BLOG HAHAHAHAHAHA 

PERASAN GILA MINAH NI 😩 

Ive just finished my first semester , thats why i got free time to spend (eventho i shud do something more more more PRODUCTIVE hehe) But i feel like blogging again ~ Blogging ? Hahaha chill fam, im still 18 of course there's a lot of stories i wanna share here . Bila aku rindu dengan kenangan lama or anything , i can just go through some old posts and stuff ^^ 

Its just that ive finally realized that sometimes its good to express those happy , sad , angry feelings into words . But really , its fun . Writing . That is . 

Basically , its been a long time since i felt this way . I think its not the first time to be so insecure with the society nowadays but to be honest im scared . Im scared of the people , the circle , the world . Its not safe anymore . But im not going to run from reality , its just i felt like i can escape to my own space when im writing out my emotions here . 

I felt safe eventho nowadays internet is also quite dangerous . 

But believe me . Im not that happy go lucky girl i used to be .

Its random . 

K byeeee Assalamualaikum 💘

.....i guess im back ?

Hye Assalamualaikum .

Miss me ? Haha for those who knew about my old blog 'What it feels like to be Syahmi' , i would like to say... hm wait , i would like to announce my comeback dramatically hoho .

IM BACK TO THIS WORLD AGAIN ! HELLO MY OLD READERS AND MY NEW FANS  (if ada la) *perasan jap


Whereas for those yang tak tahu about my old blog , nayyy issokay no need to find out cuz i oreadi deleted it (when i was 14 to be exact) oh and im too lazy to introduce myself . excuseeee meh 😙

hmmmm ada sejarah hitam aku dalam tu huhu . okay folks dont mind me >.<

I would like to say hello to my new readers and old friends , and the internet friend from Uruguay who keeps tabs on my posts pada zaman dahulu . Aww i miss you guys .

I write for myself , sometimes for others , but lately ive been so OCCUPIED with life . Yea its kinda harsh but in a sense its a good thing 😁 Since now i got free time during my semester holiday , might as well start a new journey .

I dont wanna write too long for the first post lmao , but i guess im too engrossed with this blog stuff (OH MY ALLAH ITS BEEN SO LONG IVE TYPE THIS LONG USING THIS KEYBOARD)


Oh kayy , thats all i guess .
Lets start the journey to the next semester with pride 💖